Sam's first grad school newsletter :')
08/18/21
Hello friends, bb’s, and my darlingest darlings,
Good evening, from Knoxville!!! I’m sitting at my new desk that I drove 40 minutes into the mountains for, just yesterday. It overlooks my backyard, which is lush and green and has a cute garden with yummy tomatoes. It’s been raining for 3 days in a row. And not like, a sprinkle, but hard, relentless, pounding rain. At first it was cute, but today, I feel cooped up, a lil anxious, and like I need to run around in the rain to feel something (cue Natasha Bedingfield!!!!! FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN OK)
I decided to start this newsletter because uprooting my life in Chicago and moving to Knoxville for grad school has been !!!!! a big deal. I left behind a community I’d spent years building. I entirely shifted myself to chase after a thing that I really want, and really love. And I want to document that life change and also keep everyone in the loop, since I’m so much further from a lot of my people. Also, just generally, I love writing these. I used to write lil updates like this in emails to friends or on facebook (lol back when I used facebook) and it’s something I enjoy!!!! We will see how often I do this, and I don’t know if I will like, get into intense topics or things I’m learning or not, but if you want to join me on this journey, sign up!!! at the link below!!!
Anyways here’s le sambrain:
The move!!!! Oh the move was graceful and easy, until it wasn’t. My two loves, Kate and Rose, drove with me in 2 cars, my beautiful sweet lil silver fox Lisa (my car) and a half-filled Uhaul truck. It was half filled!!!! Because I spent weeks before I moved going through all of my belongings, and really thinking through every item, if I needed to take it with me or if it had served me well enough up until this point, and it was time to fly with new ppl. And I got rid of a lot!!!!! And had a lot less stuff than I was expecting. In the week before I moved, I read Filthy Animals by Brandon Taylor, from the library. Easily!!!!!! one of the best essay collections I’ve ever read. Yay 4 reading.
Anyways I moved here and I unloaded half my moving truck at 11PM after I arrived, and locked my truck, and immediately lost the key for my lock, which I never found. The following day, I had to drive to a uhaul center and they had to literally FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS to remove my lock lmao I told this to a southern 22 year old girl in my department and she was like “oh bless your heart.” so. bless my heart I guess!!!!
In my first 2 weeks here, I hiked up a mountain in the Appalachian trail, I went swimming almost every other day in a gorgeous quarry, I sat on my porch and watched a summer storm, I bought a gorgeous vintage dresser, and finally, as of 2 days ago, I unpacked all my boxes. I moved into this actually ridiculously perfect 2 bedroom home with my roommate, Emily, who is in the phd program here, and has carefully curated the perfect VIBE for this house that all I had to do was slide right in and add a few of my lil touches. we grilled together last night and I was like, oh yeah. I am going to enjoy this place. This is good!!!
In terms of classes, idk. I intended to move here and slow down a little and focus on myself and my art, but COVID, of course, has really been getting in the way of things starting smoothly. All our classes are fully in person, with no rules from the university AT ALL except for a mask mandate. I have 3 in person grad classes, I tutor in person weekly at the writing center, and I am TAing in person, twice a week, for a class of freshmen. All in person!!!! And of course, COVID is surging all around us. Nashville has no ICU beds for 100 miles, professors in my department / people in their households have tested positive!!! within the last week!!!! It is!!!! like not very casual?!?! I am trying not to be a giant anxious ball of madness but …….. that’s exactly what I am!!! I bought super intense N-95’s that I guess I will just learn to scream through. Good thing I have a very loud voice.
But. Things here have been very cute, overall. I have wonderful cohort sweeties who I’ve cooked nice breakfasts with. I found a bagel place, a coffee shop, a ceramics studio, and a brunch place!!! and wow there are HILLS here???? big hills???? And every time I look in the distance, I see mountains?!?!?!?! Also, so many friends have come thru to visit me, already!! Which has been a sweet sweet dream!!!! I hope many more do. I hope to expand my brain, work on my art, write my novel???? lol (I am taking both poetry and fiction this year!!!) I hope I can recover from all the years of burnout I experienced working grueling nonprofit jobs, and feel more creative juices than I have before. I hope to write poems I am proud of. I hope you are all proud of me too. I’m scared to be here. In a newer, smaller place, in a COVID surge, in the most evilest thing of all, graduate school, inside a mega-sized bag of peanut butter M&M’s. I am trying to be excited and proud of myself. Despite this absolute shit world we are in. Despite all my unrealistic ideas that things in COVID would be feeling a bit better by now than they actually are. Despite how happy I have been some days and how fucking lonely I have felt here other days. I am celebrating the big step. Or I am trying to.
Poetry updates:
· 2 poems (Bock Rottom, People Say…) published at Shenandoah!!!!
· 2 poems published at Hooligan Mag :)
· I did this amazing interview with Sundog Lit, I put a LOT of time and effort into it!!
I hope to hear from lots of you, back!!!! Tell me how you are!!! respond to anything I said?? Draw a flower on your notebook and take a picture of it and send it to me and be like “here’s that flower you asked for?!?!” Or just read this or parts of this and be like, cool that’s all. Those are all acceptable responses. I’ll post the link below to sign up for the newsletter, where I will send lil sam updates like this when I can. I’ll try 2 send some fashion, some recipes??? (thx Jake 4 this idea), or maybe even like a ceramic pot I make?? (if I sign up for a shelf at that ceramics place, TBD on that).
Ok. I have eaten too many peanut butter M&M’s. I feel fully wild. I must end here. I love u all. My friends, my yet-to-be friends, my queer beauties, my poetry babes, any one of you that wants to build this world better with me. My community. Let’s hold each other as much as we can, more than ever, these days. Because this place isn’t looking out for us. And we have everything we need to look out for each other.
NEWSLETTER SIGNUP: https://forms.gle/gXfnj8PibDjpJcNt7
My love,
Sam